How should I react to this? My husband has said it more then once. Not only does he want to marry ANOTHER woman but he wants many wives. He thinks its his right. That it is "natural" A man is suppost to plant his seed so his blood line can live on.
 
   He feels that I am below him for the simple fact that i am a woman. "women never should have been let out of the house, women are just things to look at, women are here to be his personal play thing. He says that women should be seen and not heard. I cant believe him! Some of the words that come from this mans mouth floor me! no one knows he is this way. He is very quiet and only shows me him true self. He tells me I should feel lucky that he likes me over anyone else.
 
   But yet he wants 3-4 wives. Just because he feels that he has that right. I cant keep up with his needs (4-5xs a week is not good for him.ugh)so he should be able to have other women to "help" me. *roll eyes* Not Only does he want me to accept this other wife but he says i should be best friends with her/them. And i would be top wife. i get to sleep in his bed with him but he can go to these other women when ever the fuck he wants to. Now here is the real kicker... He wants his next wife to be his ex-mistress. The little 19 year old slut that got in the middle of an already fucked up situation. Because shes the other other one that understands him. She is his friend. WTF do i say to this. She is in another relationship but still flirts with my husband.
 
My husband wants to marry his ex-mistress.
 
My husbands thinks I should love her and be friends with her so we can all be a happy family and he can be the fucker that sits in the middle.
 
I am just flabergasted.
 
But this is only a small piece of what I live with. This is not even the worst of my problems with him and his insane thoughts.
 
 
 
 
 
 


Comments

  • shekinah said Dec 15, 2006...
    "How should I react to this?" by stepping into your own power and showing him the door. You are in control of you, not him or anyone else. Just as you cannot truly control another person. You can't control what your partner or anyone else does, what they believe or think. But you can control you and what you accept in your world. If this *way* of his, sucks for you... and he isn't open to compromise and he doesn't respect your needs, you should respect your needs by leaving him to his 5 or 6 mistresses. Go get a nice respectful, kind and considerate man. love shekinah.
  • SeanRenaud said Dec 15, 2006...
    It is natural for a guy to want to spread his seed and all of that other crap.  He's got a solid point there.  As far as him wanting a second wife if that's his thing I got nothing against him.    That said the real question about what you should do is a very, very personal issue.  Do you love him, could you be happy in the situation that he is describing?  Would you be happy if he were to leave you (or if you took Shek's advice and left him) and he were to go on to have 3-4 wives who were happily living under one roof?  If you can then maybe you need to consider it, if not refer to comment 1.   The problem I see here and I'm about to make a blanket statement that will have women and men alike bashing me is that a lot of women seem to mistake power/equality with ignroance.  I've seen far to many women drive away their man because they refused to be submissive, etc etc.  And then sit at home and cry about how they are single and alone and lonely.  I occasionally see the same with guys.  To shorten my tirade if you would be happier as one of his many wives than you would be alone then maybe it isn't time to get that divorce yet.  It is definitly time to be honest and open with your feelings with him though.   Just curious though since people don't change (IMHO) how did you get married to him and now know that he was like that?  Or is he lying scum?  I hate liars.
  • pookie said Dec 15, 2006...
    I love my husband with out a doubt. He says that he is not going to get another wife unless I say its OK. ( like that will EVER happen ) He always says "well maybe you will come around" I have known my husband for 13 years and every year has been completely different. I dont know if he has changed, but his scary way of thinking has just gotten worse. I never know what wonderful idea he has thought of today. I never know if this will be the day he snaps and goes on a rampage.  I have no question that my husband loves me. Its just his way of thinking that I don't understand. His solutions to life's problems are so far stretched. (blow everything up, move to the hills and live in a cave, etc....)  Its so tiring. I want to be with my husband. NOT 3-4 other wives. Its never going to happen that I can say. If he don't like it then I will make it without him. I know it won't come to that because the thought of losing me scares him more then anything.  I just know that I love him. I just don't understand him, and I dont know if I ever will.
  • GroundedMystic said Dec 15, 2006...
    Well I hate to break it you but....he hasn't gotten worse he's just decided to verbalise what he's been thinking for a long, long time. Love him or not it makes no difference if he intends to do something you personally find unacceptable. My fiance loved me too, he just couldn't accept that romancing other women behind my back wasn't a cool thing. Bottom line...you can't change him and it's your choice to stay and take that crap from him nor not. In my book no-one who puts you down and tells you, you are lucky to be with them, truly loves you. They love to control you.
  • MissMimi said Dec 15, 2006...
    Next time he brings this up, tell him he can take a second wife when you can take a second husband. ;) Seriously, only you know what your boundaries are.  I mean no disrespect by this, but how can you love a man who clearly values women so little?
  • RollingC said Dec 15, 2006...
    ahemmm.... and what are your true feelings about this?How much do you love him?Would you settle for less?Do you want more? Too many questions...all marriages are different in the scheme of nurturing and patience and loving.Would I put up with that? probably not! But I'm not you and vice-versa. It's natural for a man to want to have more than one woman and it's up to you to make his (and your) fantasies come true for it takes two to tango.  But to what limit? I cannot say...only you.You have decisions to make and consequences to ponder...follow your heart but don't go crazy and God Bless.
  • kelly said Dec 15, 2006...
    Just listen to shekinah and MissMimi and you will be enlightened.  What country do you live in, by the way?
  • gingersoul said Dec 15, 2006...
    Did he see "Big LOve" ? Is he a Mormon (well, beside being a moron...)? Does he want a second wife? Good, the door is open for you to leave him if you disagree. Or you can stay and tell him 'Btw, this is Joe, husband number two". Aren't we a lovely family? Its up to the individuals find their own comfort zone...you doesn't seem very comfortable in this zone though... You will not change his mind ...so start think about yourself......do you have kids? Find a job, prepare yourself to be independent and then just  leave him if you are not happy...this is not even worth to be called marriage...its a bland form of sexual slavery...he can do whatever he wants, but you cant... .....why doesn't he divorce you? So he will be compeletely free to do what he want? Because you cook for him, maybe you are already bringing some money home, you take care of him and the house...he is a sultan wihout his harem...poor fucked up brain... , .. i am sorry ..you seem in pain and you say you love him...this complicates everything... I am just shocked that a man like your husband can even think whath he asks is perfectly natural and good ......for him.... 
  • SeanRenaud said Jun 17, 2007...
    Oh come off it.  Just because he wants a second wife doesn't mean he doesn't value women, nor does it mean he is incapable of real love, nor does it mean you aren't good enough.  It means he wants something different/more.  You might be filet mignon but sometimes I want pizza, or burgers or what not.   The thing is what are YOU comfortable with and it sounds like you aren't comfortable with this so dump him.  I'm just tired of women gathering together and making it sound like this guy must have low self-esteem cus he wants to have sex, he's over compensating blah blah blah.
  • kelly said Jun 21, 2007...
    Sean, you're wrong on this one.  Fantasizing about something is one thing, acting on it another.  Couples with a true emotional connection do not do this. But the really distressing part of it all is that she can be in love with this guy no matter how he treats her.  That is the real issue.
  • MissMimi said Jun 21, 2007...
    I agree with you, Sean.  Swinging and polyamory are fine--so long as all parties know the rules and agree to them.  This guy said this is what I want, and I don't care if you like it or not.
  • MissMimi said Jun 21, 2007...
    It doesn't sound like he has low self-esteem to me.  He sounds like a chauvinistic Neanderthal windbag, not because he wants more sex, but because he clearly views women as "less" simply by virtue of being women.  Pookie said in her comment that she loves him without a doubt, but she never knows if this will be the day he snaps and goes on a rampage.  Kelly's right--it's distressing that she values herself so little that she professes to love this jackass.
  • SeanRenaud said Jun 21, 2007...
    Seems to me that the only logical thing here is to find out if/how happy she is with him over all.  I have to side with the general consensus that she should leave him.  That said I don't think that swingers or polygamists by definition don't value their mates or the opposite sex.
  • SeanRenaud said Jun 21, 2007...
    Right, he's not lying.  As far as we know he's not cheating or doing anything dishonest.  He knows what he wants in life and he told her what he wants in life.  It differs from what she wants and that part of the detail is between the two of them.    Everybody is jumping on the bandwagon of this guy is scum with low self esteem.  I stand by my statement of he hasn't done anything wrong, I'll even go the step farther and say that he's done everything (so far as we can tell) right.  Not only is he not going to stay in a situation that doesn't bring him the happiness he feels he deserves, but he's not doing like so many others do and lie and cheat and go behind people's backs
  • SeanRenaud said Jun 21, 2007...
    On second reading of the original post this guy is a bigger jerk than I've been crediting him with.  Stupid SC always cutting my comments.

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